The Most Ridiculous Questions Asked To An IIM Graduate

a. Akshay, you are a student at IIM, you will be earning Rs. 1 crore after graduation right?

b. Akshay, you are at IIM, you must be from IIT na?

c. Akshay, you are at IIM, you must be sleeping only for 3 hours daily right?

 

There are hundreds of misconceptions about IIM students. Since the time I got admission in IIM Kozhikode, I have been asked a flurry of ridiculous questions. Let me mention my favourite 3 and how I wanted to react to them. Fasten your seat-belts, this is going to be one hell of a ride!!

(DISCLAIMER – None of the content posted below is true. It is pure sarcasm.)

 

And rant time begins –

 

1. Do girls want to marry boys from IIT/IIM only?

Image result for girl proposing guy cartoon

Yes, they do.

And this is exactly why the Indian HRD Ministry has opened 13 new IIMs in the last 8 years.

The government noticed that the marriage rate in India is falling drastically and sprang into action. Girls had stopped marrying. They wanted IIM-grooms. Rather, they NEEDED IIM-grooms.

The only way to stem this trend was taking the hard step of opening more and more institutes. And they did that. They kept doing that. Since the Modi government has come into power, they have launched – several new IITs and IIMs. For education purpose? Bullocks. This is for women empowerment. So that women can marry!

Let me tell you a secret,

IIM is actually – Indian Institute of Matrimony &

IIT is actually – Indian Institute of Togetherness

Mind-blown?

 

2. What is the Drinking culture at IIMs?

Image result for drinks bar

It is CRAZYY!

No one will agree publicly but let me reveal some secrets.

You might have heard of students sleeping for only 4–5 hours daily. How do you think they manage it? Determination? Lol. It’s Drugs!

Many IIM alumni have admitted that they did not even realize when the 2 years got over. It was a breeze. Why do you think they do not remember? Drug over-dose.

Not only the students, even the recruiting companies are drugged. How do you think students end up with 1 crore packages? Its because the offering company was crazy high during the entire process! By the time, they come to their senses, it is too late!

It is a complete nexus.

In private circles, this is what the institutes are called –

IIM- A – Indian Institute of Acid

IIM B – Indian Institute of Beer

IIM C – Indian Institue of Charas/Cocaine (Based on your financial capacity)

IIM L – Indian Institute of LSD

 

3. Do people die after being humiliated at IIM interviews?

Image result for stress interview

HELL YES!

This is something the paid media will not say.

Every year, hundreds die after the IIM interviews.

They are neither reported nor talked about. One of the friends decided to report this matter. He reportedly disappeared. No one knows where he is now. Mumbai Police even refused to register the FIR. When we offered a constable an Rs. 2000 note, he took the money but still refused.

I myself am taking a huge risk by talking about this matter.

Last year, the death toll from the top 3 IIMs only reached 69. (50% belong to SC/ST and OBC quota obviously)

  1. Half of them died due to a heart attack by the stress caused by the interviewers.

2. Some committed suicide wondering what they were doing in their life.

3. Few went into the interview room and never came out. (But I saw red stains on the carpet. Don’t know if it was blood or Rooh-Afza. BTW have you guys tried Rooh-Afza? Very refreshing)

This is one of the prime reasons why people are preferring FMS, XLRI and ISB these days. The frequency of such incidents is comparatively much lesser.

I hope this helped. Remember, if I stop writing answers after some time, you know what happened to me.

– A brave student

 

(DISCLAIMER 2.0 – None of the content posted above is true. It is pure sarcasm)

 

P.S. – So if you are from an IIM and someone ever asks you any of these questions, just show them this post. Don’t rant at him and upset him, after all when you are earning Rs. 1 crore, at least show some class!! 😉

Akshaykumar Sirsalewala

Akshaykumar Sirsalewala is a Chartered Accountant and has cleared all levels of CFA and FRM. He is currently a student of IIM Kozhikode 2018-2020 batch, where he is pursuing MBA finance. When he is not studying, he is either guiding young minds or writing on Quora for CA aspirants.

Comments

7 comments

Arundhati Mukherjee

Hey can you honestly tell me if a plain guy who has never ever been into accounting, economics and all sorts of finance subjects in his intermediate or undergrad years should go for a Finance in MBA ? Why and why not ? Plz reciprocate asap. BTW, I’m a 3rd year undergraduate of you know, that course all just 4 the sake of doing, i.e., engineering or jugaad, it’s synonym