To add insult to injury, I remember going to a friend’s house, and her father gasping and saying “I can’t believe you took a gap year, I would never allow my daughter to do so, even if that means settling for something less. A gap year is digging your own grave and willingly burying yourself in it, with no way of coming out” I argued – “No I actually chose to do this; this was my plan all along” . He continued to belittle my efforts by saying – “I can’t believe your parents let you dig your own grave, do you even have a back-up? You know I always tell management graduates, being too ambitious, kills” And thus from a decision I had taken, and was prepared for, I began the downward spiral towards self-doubt and full blown panic. This was just the eye of the storm, I started questioning every little thing I did, every word I said, every little move I made, because I thought I had messed up. And I was being too ambitious and it would lead to my downfall. Add that to the fear of math and CAT being the exam which requires Mathematical proficiency. I had reached a level of “I don’t want to do this anymore; this is not meant for me”
To quote the greatest super villain of my generation the Great Titan- Thanos, “Dread it, run from it, destiny still arrives." – (Marvel’s The Avenger – Infinity War) and just like Thanos said, Destiny did arrive, and I felt under prepared, it turned my legs to jelly. Being an avid music lover, I found my form of expression in the song “The Climb” – By Miley Cyrus, that my twelve-year-old self would belt out completely of tune without any fear of judgement, to pump myself to face the biggest challenge, back then and I guess the habit lived on. To quote a few lines of the song, it says
“ I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head sayin'
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make feels lost with no direction
My faith is shakin'
But I, I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high”
Sitting in a blanket in the dead of the night, with this song blasting through the tiny earphones, I felt like I had to give it one last shot no matter what anyone said, I think that rush that I felt made me believe again. I think music has power to inspire but only if the will comes from within. I just had to push one last mile, and jump, take that leap of faith and trust myself enough to know I would soar high, and not let anyone else’s standards measure my dreams. So here I am writing for a b-school, I fought tooth and nail to get into. Just because I had the will to take the leap of faith and trust myself to fly.
Chat
Comments