It all started about 18 months ago. I was awarded 'The Spotlight Award' for my stellar performance in Q4, a very crucial period for my organisation. The award sounded very prestigious but all I could think of was "How much of my brain has turned into mush for this trophy". My story is not a story where everything is positive. In fact, it has been called one of the darkest by most of my friends.
My story starts the moment I received my trophy. As a celebration, I decided to take my best friend out for a movie. On the day of the movie, Yash called me in the morning, said he had to pick up an MRI report from a lab as his physician suggested him one to understand the underlying cause for his shoulder pain. I planned it out, 'we go pick it up, then go to the movie'. But the moment we got that MRI done, everything changed for the worst. A large unidentified mass, about 10cm in width, was present in his chest MRI. "It could be anything, let's not jump to conclusions" was my reply seeing it. But things were the conclusions we had developed the moment we saw that.
Yash and I were the best of friends. We had been friends for more than 7 years. We went to school together. We studied in the same university. Right after I graduated, Yash was the person who got me a job in the organisation we were working for. Since there has been so much synchronicity in our lives, we decided we would do our post-graduation together. We applied to ISB's YLP in our college days, but we didn't get through. We never gave up, we kept moving forward. Together, as an unstoppable force. That's what our friendship was. A friendship that solely focused on mutual growth. We decided that we would give CAT 2019 together.
But now, there was a moment of silence. "We'll give CAT 2020 Yash, take a year, Chemotherapy would be difficult, CAT isn't permissible". These were my words. But he insisted I do not wait for him. "I'll catch up with you in no time da. Don't think I'm handicapped, I'll just come back stronger". Yash oozed out with positive energy to everyone he talked to, something I've taken from him now.
My regular schedule included my office hours, time I spent on CAT preparation and the systematic scheduling and conversing with my best friend. A schedule was definitely needed as he knew how rigorous CAT preparation needs to be. We worked where we needed to. He never had a cheat day. He knew his life was at stake. I definitely had my cheat days. He would often insist on me having those days.' You build up too much. Let loose. No point carrying it all', he said. Towards the very end, I had to negotiate so much with him just to visit. He would be so hard on me for not sticking to my schedule: So I did. Some times because I desired to, other times because he desired me to.
His symptoms became severe. His tone changed. His body changed. While he saw me live life, I couldn't help but wonder, 'Why does he never stop smiling? Why does he never stop with the positive energy ?'. I did not ask him and he never told me why. But deep down, I always knew he was happy for me. He would be so enthusiastic to hear about my personal life even if there was facing chronic symptoms. This triggered a barrage of emotions in me. I never believed in god. But a part of me started offering prayers. My rationality was breaking away. My desires were breaking away. All I wanted was a glimpse of hope, a ray of light, one positive news.
In the month of October, Yash told me that his tumor has metastasized to his brain. He told me that he is losing memory of events, emotions, presence of mind and sometimes his consciousness. He stated, ' I would be glad if I had two years to live without pain. Finish your CAT and let's go to Germany. I want to see the graffiti on the Berlin wall'. I nodded.
'I know you're really stressed because of me. My time is very limited. You need to learn to live without me. Loosen up. Talk to people. Then you can find minds like yours. Don't become a loner just because I'm away. I'm not going to come from my grave and help you out when you need it'.
The day I wrote my SNAP exam is the day he died. We never did the Germany Trip. We never had our PG dreams realized. The important thing I have to share is that life is very fragile. You can never guess what can happen to anyone around you or yourself at any moment. But the fear of death is what should keep us driven. A life worth living should be a life worth remembering.
I obtained a good percentile in CAT-2019 and I assured myself an admission in TAPMI. I carry on the will of Yash and I do not intend to disappoint him.