I happen to belong to this prestigious category of our country’s most inconsequential people. Quite honestly, most of us hail from this section of the country’s ever-increasing population. We lead a normal existence, have fixed schedules, snooze the alarm at least thrice a week, snap atrociously at our loved ones when stressed, get panic attacks at the most trivial situations, spend hours at the dining table staring at some XYZ space, smile out of the blue for reasons best known to us. This is Me. This is You. I am no different from you and you are no different from me. All of us have our lousy ways of getting the right things wrong. Well, I adore myself for my imperfections. This unassuming, unplanned and highly disorganized way of looking at life attracts me these days. I now love to be associated with people who don’t worry about time wasted, who procrastinate excessively, who are fun loving, less organized, and who live life without worrying too much about tomorrow. I am quite curious to know the reason behind this sudden transformation of mine. Had I been the earlier ME, I would have tried a hundred methods to reverse the change, to go back to being a person who loved being perfect, meticulous to the core, and yes, fastidious to a great extent. I wouldn’t deny that the qualities of being fastidious and striving hard to achieve perfectionism in everything I undertake still rests with me, and that I have probably inherited from my mother, who can give anyone a run for his/ her money! But what made me change? This is something that makes me ponder, makes me analyze, makes me introspect…
There is a dichotomy in the human mind. The mind which is usually agile and buzzing with a lot of activity suddenly seems to halt, suddenly seems to cease every action, every movement. On one hand, it races ahead of time, Avant-Garde; while on the other, it loves to slow down, enjoying every aspect, the very essence of life. “Life is beautiful. And, I am glad I know it is.” This was my short-lived WhatsApp status a couple of days ago. There was obviously some kind of realization that must have dawned upon me, and I, not being my usual self, went oblivious to it. Normally, I am extremely observant, quick enough to grasp the subtlest of nuances, things that often go unnoticed by the majority, but of late, I have started to accept the fact that it’s perfectly alright to not notice the watch someone was wearing, the number on the number plate of my best friend’s car or for that matter even my car, to remember some godforsaken and highly insignificant date et al. I don’t have any intention of having my name published in the Limca Book of World Records for the person with the best memory. Undeniably, a while ago, approximately half a decade ago, I did fancy myself, going up on stage and receiving an award from the President of our nation, but strangely, today, I don’t visualize myself anywhere close to even gatecrashing the felicitation ceremony! I wouldn’t be surprised if I wouldn’t be present at my own wedding. That’s precisely the power of the mind. It moves, changes, initiates, regresses, races, ceases, and definitely, makes a person stop and think. What is it that I exactly want? I know not; not yet, at least. It’s not just me who is in the quest of this ultimate understanding. 1.3 billion (and counting) Indians are unsure. And with globalization, one can expect a far higher figure.
After a considerably long period of time, my interest in penning down things has been revived. A while ago, I used to find the time and inclination to write my diary on a daily basis. Then came a period of disinterest, total disassociation, and disconnect from my best friend, my diary. Back then, I didn’t try to analyze the reason for the same. I probably attributed it to just a mood swing of mine, quite unnatural though. Maybe I had developed a writer’s block, maybe I just couldn’t find the right words to express what I wanted to. Or maybe, the only time I had in my busy schedule was the time I could spare for a short nap, considering the incredible amount of multi-tasking I had caught myself into, over the last few months. This was despite knowing fully well that my diary is the most confidential place of ME, and the fact that I didn’t actually have to contemplate so much about expressing myself. Today, there’s a twist in the story, suddenly I seemed to have gotten back all the vigour and enthusiasm, words are flowing in and out of my head, and the passion for writing has finally found its place back in my heart. The reason, well, I know not, and at this stage, I probably don’t wish to probe into the details. I guess, deep within, I know it. But I would want it to be the way it is.
Talking about change, well, let me be very honest, during the initial years of my childhood, I was never to open to change. The concept of change was frightening, it made me believe that I was being thrust out of my cocoon, a sheltered life, a humdrum life, full of bliss, comfort and no change. I was rigid to quite a large extent. But experience is a great teacher, it teaches us things that no university or reference book can impart. I moulded myself according to changing scenarios, changing expectations, became more open to adapt to changes that would not be detrimental to my existence in any manner. Some people are responsible for what I am today. They made me understand that being flexible is no crime, it only enhances adaptability, ensures less strain in relationships, and fosters better associations. I know that sounds like a stereotypical definition in the Oxford Dictionary! When I look back, I wonder how irrational I was (well, I still am, but I believe the percentage of irrationality has reduced considerably!), horribly moralistic, and yes, unnecessarily judgemental. Today, I know I have loosened up a lot (and there is tremendous scope to loosen up further), and trust me, it has taken me a great deal of effort to incorporate change, however insignificant it may be. No regrets though, in this respect.
I marvel at my ability to remain silent, without uttering a single word, for indefinite periods of time. Strange enough, because I am otherwise an extremely talkative person. So much, that the listener is always one shot of giving me a resounding slap on my cheek! More often than not, you would find me in the same room with no conversation, no expression, nothing. Call it a mood fluctuation or a habit, people who know me well, have got used to this trait of mine. And, those who don’t, tend to pass the wackiest of comments! I am just as normal a human as you are. And yes, I am as inhuman as you are. Nothing separates me from the majority. Like I mentioned at the start - I happen to belong to this prestigious category of our country’s most inconsequential people. I won’t take back my words. I am a person who never does that. At least, that’s how I would want to believe. And I am pretty sure, by now, you would agree with me.
There are some elements in my life that define me the best. Elements may sound a bit too clichéd. Vibrant and highly unassuming, both oxymorons (figures of speech) – I am a person who loves the colours orange and black the most, but very strangely, the colour grey has taken a precedence in my list of ‘likes’. When it comes to my association with animals, I adore dogs, and much to your surprise and aghast, I love reptiles. Given an opportunity, I will domesticate a Komodo Dragon! This is certainly not my intention to make you loathe or despise me! Those who know me, often call me weirdly wired, but that’s how my grey matter works. It’s horribly different!
I am sure by this time, as a reader, you have already formed a certain image about the kind of person I am, or at least I portray myself to be. This is exactly what I do not want you to do. As a student who is currently pursuing a Post Graduate Diploma in Management, I have learnt this gospel, lesser-known truth that pre-conceived notions and pre-determined perceptions with regard to people and situations only tend to make matters worse and irreversible. One need not be always opinionated about every aspect of
life. Having an opinion certainly doesn’t make us come across as a villain, but trust me, not having one, can help blend in any given scenario. There are no ifs and buts. That’s what a program in Management has done to a change-averse person like me. Adaptability, tolerance, patience, and empathy – these traits get established, even without our conscious observation. Of course, leadership, determination, a go-getter-never-say-die attitude are also instilled. It’s ultimately the way we look at things. For me, the glass is always full, or at least half-full. I have worked on training my mind to strongly believe in it. I urge you to try as well. You will be surprised at the results!