The only way to make someone do something is to make him want to do it.
Try this: Stand up and tell someone “I want you to _____ (fill in the blanks)”. On the other hand, show the person what she stands to gain from doing something. Measure your success in each case.
Everyone thinks about just 1 person – himself! Every man has just 1 thought when doing something “What will I get out of it.” So tomorrow if your child isn't listening to you, try telling him in simple language what his benefit is. Eating boring food will make him strong enough to fight the bully, behaving well will make more people like him and he will get more friends. If you want your spouse to help in house cleaning, tell him how sharing responsibilities will take his mind off work and refresh him… you get the drift. Remember, the only way someone will do something when he sees his benefit in it.
2.They interfere too much
Even a genius has to kiss his popularity goodbye if he interferes too much in others' work. Meddlesome people are not appreciated. People may listen to them, but only grudgingly. They don't make true friends and gather real followers - people who align with their thought process, who listen to what they say and do it because they want to. They only find puppets, and after some time, these puppets start slowing them down.
William McKnight, Chairman of 3M, says “If you fence around people, you get sheep. Give them the room they need.” What sound advice! Let people think for themselves. Let your kids do something the wrong way; let your friends go to a restaurant that you have told them is not good. Let your office colleague try something different from conventional methods. She may show you a more effective technique. Otherwise she will learn her own lessons. And trust me, the less you speak, the more people listen.
3.Their concepts are unclear
So people are ready to listen to someone, but the person is not making sense. Complex talks have forced listeners to zone out. Their concepts and ideas are too hard to comprehend, let alone implement. Are you guilty of these aspects when you speak to someone?
Albert Einstein said “If you can’t explain something simply, you don’t understand it.” I'm going to do it again. I'm going to repeat it.
If you can’t explain something simply, you don’t understand it
Herb Kelleher laid out the business model of Southwest Airlines on a napkin. Google explained the underlying intent of their business to the investors in Sequoia Capital in one sentence. When you want to explain something to someone, keep it short and simple. Tell your child or spouse what you want in simple terms briskly. Give your office colleagues a gist of your idea in less than 60 seconds. The human brain accepts simple ideas and concepts easily. That’s why Apple products are so popular… they’re clear, uncluttered and simple enough to not need a manual.
4.They refuse to listen
Someone is talking to him. This smart alec, on the other hand, is fiddling with his cell phone, staring at the computer screen, or admiring the gorgeous snowfall outside. And then he wonders why people don’t listen when HE speaks.
Studies show that the human mind mirrors what it sees. So if it sees gloom, it turns sad. If it sees happiness, it is filled with joy. Likewise, if the mind gauges that the person in front is not listening, it won’t listen either. People will give only when they get, and not vice versa. For someone to listen to you, you must listen to them first.
They’re self professed ‘Know-It-Alls’
“I know what we should talk about in this meeting.”
“I know what we should talk about in this meeting.”
“I know how your friends behave. Don’t lie to me!”
“It must be your attitude because of which your boss troubles you.”
“I know how the marketing team must function.” (let’s ignore that I’m a part of the finance team)
“I know… don’t tell me.” “I know… don’t teach me.”
Have you come across someone like this in your life?
For 4 painfully long years, I heard these dialogues (and some ridiculous ones) almost every day. And I’ll wager a bet that you have too. How do you feel when this person speaks?
The ‘I Know Everything’ attitude is the biggest recipe for disaster. No one knows everything. There is always someone better than you at whatever you know or do.
Man has rarely achieved anything without others (the same goes for women). Man, by design, is a social animal. Gandhi became the Father of India only after people listened to (and followed) him. If you want to discipline your kids, be popular among friends, climb up the corporate ladder or simply have a gratifying relationship, you need people to listen to you. Nelson Mandela, Benjamin Franklin, Martin Luther King Jr. – they've understood and abided by this ultimate truth.
It’s time we did too, don't you think? What comes to your mind about people whom others don't listen to? And what must they do to overcome these handicaps?
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About the author:
Vishal is the founder of Aryatra, a venture which helps individuals improve their productivity and live more fulfilled lives. He also is a digital marketing consultant helping businesses generate revenue from their online presence.
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