- You completed your diploma from Kolkata in an all boy’s institution. When was the time when you started to realize that you have a different sexual orientation?
It was in my 9th grade when I started to realize that I am sexually more inclined towards boys. I had no knowledge about the LGBTQ community or if anything of this sort existed at that time. I hardly ever thought that I would have feelings different from other boys whom I was mingling with in my school.
- It becomes difficult at an early age to challenge the societal norms prevalent for ages. Did that at any point act as a factor that stopped you from coming out?
Yes, I was always afraid to accept the way I am. More so because I used to think about what would happen if my parents, friends, and relatives came to know that I have a different sexual orientation. I thought they would ignore me. I used to question God, why am I like this!
- You moved to Jamshedpur from your hometown in Kolkata after you got placed with Tata Steel. What was this transformation like? How did you manage in your early years?
I was too introverted during my stay in Howrah. Both my parents were teachers and that had put additional pressure on me to ‘behave’ at all times. I was the flagbearer of respect in our family. After moving to Jamshedpur with a job at Tata Steel, things did not change overnight. Some of my college friends knew about my orientation, even though I didn't confess to them. Luckily they also moved to Jamshedpur for the same job at Tata Steel. I was always bullied in my school where my classmates used to make fun of my effeminate side. I wondered what would happen if something similar happens to me when I move to Jamshedpur. But fortunately, things turned out better when I moved and started working at Tata Steel.
- When you discussed your sexual orientation for the first time with the Tata Steel authorities how was the response that you got?
I first shared with Anubhuti ma’am on the way I feel about my sexuality. She is a very nice person and she made me sit and talk about my reservations. She asked me about how I am holding up in a new city, how is work, etc. and gave me the confidence to come and talk to her in case I feel lonely.The HR team also allowed me to attend webinars where I met Ms. Zainab Patel, Mr. M.C.Thomas where they discussed the inclusion of LGBTQ people in the Indian Workplace. I started feeling comfortable.
- What has been the peer support from the senior management and colleagues to you at Tata Steel?
Honestly, I had no expectations that I'll get such a nice group of colleagues in Jamshedpur. They are not just colleagues but good friends. When I told them, they were initially taken aback. I discussed it with them for a couple of hours and you won’t believe they actually went on to search it on the internet to have a better idea about what LGBTQ actually is. They gradually understood me and my preferences and things became smoother.
- You went to a Pride Parade in Delhi last year and something in you moved that actually made you come out from the closet. Tell us about it.
I went to the Delhi Pride Parade in 2019. And everything changed from that trip. I gained confidence in acknowledging myself as who I am. Nirmal, a friend of mine, who is from Jamshedpur but works in Delhi, told me about the parade. We met on a dating app in Jamshedpur and that is when he mentioned the Delhi Pride Parade and invited me over. I initially didn’t take him seriously, but then I thought let's give it a try. Afterall I was financially independent now and what harm would it be to have a trip to Delhi at least. When I actually went to the parade, I was awestruck with the number of people I saw on the streets. It was colorful, people came in with their families, little kids were found supporting their gay parents. The feeling is inexplicable.
- How was the reaction from your parents when they came to know about it. Was it difficult initially to make them understand?
It was also another memorable day in my life when I shared with my parents about my sexual orientation. I am a single child and my parents came over to Jamshedpur during the Christmas vacation. On 24th December 2019, my father suddenly asked me when am I planning to get married. The conversation went on to a point where due to constant pestering I told them that I am not interested in women. They were surprised and didn’t see that coming. They thought me coming to Jamshedpur has resulted in getting all these superficial ideas, my mother thought I have a disease! You know how difficult it is to convince your parents when you come out for the first time to them! I advised them to have a word with a psychiatrist of their choice and ask him/her if I have a disease or something. It was tough, both for them and me. But, as some time has passed, I am hoping there will soon come a day when my father would ask ‘What kind of a partner do you want in life’? - Tata Steel has always been a place where inclusivity is given top priority. There are people like Anubhuti who are spearheading WINGS (ERG @ TSL) and representation of the LGBTQ+ community within Tata Steel. How has been your experience with the organization after coming out?
I want to personally thank Anubhuti ma’am for spearheading the initiative within the group. She represents our community in Tata Steel and it makes me proud of myself and helps in accepting the way I am. I think we need to include it in our education system that LGBTQ is not a different community, but it's a part of our society. I personally believe Love has no color, gender, religion, or class. Love is love. It's time to understand that and make a better world.
- Your parents have slowly started to accept your sexual identity and you get an opportunity to talk about your sexual preference more openly with friends and colleagues. Tata Steel is a burning example of how corporates are also embracing people from different gender, sexuality, and beliefs. How do you see this shift that is currently taking place in the country?
I feel proud to be a part of Tata Steel, which always comes up with great initiatives to address social issues and provide a level playing field for all. The importance it gives to diversity and inclusion within the organization is a remarkable example for other corporates. I'm looking forward to the day when this would be implemented in the HR policies of corporations worldwide.
- One message that you want to give to more Amartyas like you, who are still trying to muster the courage to come out and accept their identities, fearing consequences?
Coming out, especially in our country, is not easy. You need constant mental support from your family, friends, and near ones. Once you are financially independent it helps you feel more confident about your sexual outlook. People should make channels to talk with others, share their feelings, and lead a normal life. At the end of the day, we are as much part of society as any other person around us. And it's time, we start owning up to who we are! The world will adjust.
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