You can't win if you don't try - Roshan Shukla, IIM Ranchi

My office started at 12:30 PM, and my house was 1.30 hrs away from the office, which meant I had to leave home at 11 AM. I got off from work at 10:00 PM, which meant I reached home at around 11:15 PM. There is nothing wrong with this schedule, if I was not planning on cracking one of the toughest exams in India, without the help of a coaching institute. I needed time to myself. After having completed my dinner and put my mother to sleep, I tried to befriend the books. To fight sleep till 4AM, try and learn something and also retain it at the same time.

People do not like their current state, and they also do not like change. Their next course of action depends on what they detest more. I knew I could not continue being an IT Consultant, and hence I knew I could not stop, no matter how arduous the task at hand.

The mocks were a reflection of my preparation, or so I was told. I took mock exams, I did well initially, but as the D-day approached closer, my scores started to come down. The fact that the more I was prepared, the lesser my marks turned out befuddled me, and after a point, the scores got so low that I lost my motivation. I accepted my fate, and planned on letting it go, and possibly try next year. The last mock that I took was in August, and I did not touch my books after that, lest I break down with frustration for having worked so hard and achieved nothing. Over the next four months, I studied nothing, because I was convinced I was not good enough that year. The result I got was 97.61 in CAT, 99 in NMAT and 99.3 in XAT. The result surprised me, and I was not prepared for it. I had not applied to any colleges, apart from the ones that got applied to through the exam itself, which meant I only had a handful of interviews with me. I could not convert any of them, as I had lost the flow of preparation, and I only had myself to blame.

The tough call now was whether to go through the painful preparation process again, or to take up admission in a below par B-School. I took the tougher call, to make myself go through the sleepless nights again, only this time with a lot more motivation.

The results from last year convinced me that I was good enough. What could have happened if I kept preparing, irrespective of the mock scores? Well, I did not want to die wondering this time.

I started again, did not rely too much on the mocks, and kept going. The mock results once again started to come down as the D-day approached, but I kept going. I applied to all the colleges, and backed myself. I worked harder this time, not leaving anything to regret later, and even pushed myself to the point where my health started to deteriorate. This was supposed to be my year. I was better prepared, and had the motivation to keep going.

CAT day, and it did not go my way. In an exam where time is the toughest thing to manage, I got stuck with a question, as there is no coming back from that sort of a blunder. I cried that night, but I could not afford to stop.

IIFT day, and again it did not go my way. The exam was all about being quick, and I wasn’t quick enough. Another chance went begging, but I kept going.

XAT day, and another off day. Things did not go my way in quantitative ability, and that was enough.

In the midst of all this, the CAT results came out.

96.6

I came down from my last years’ score, after having worked twice as hard, but I was smart enough to realize that I was still in the game. I prepared for my interviews, no let ups this time. However, no other college called me for the interviews, so much for having applied to all colleges this time. Demoralizing as it was, I knew that this was not the time to sulk. I had one interview, for the new IIMs, and I had no other option but to do well.

Interview day, dressed in a smart Peter England Blazer, I was ready to go. No rough edges on either of us. The pressure and the excitement were in perfect proportion, which meant the day was bound to go well.

3 months later, I converted all the new IIMs that are a part of the Common Admission Process.

1 month later, I am writing my story from a room in IIM Ranchi Hostel for a prestigious conglomerate like Aditya Birla Group. It could have been so easy for me to give up at so many different points in this two year process. The last thing that one wants to do after having spent more than 12 hours in office/commute, is to study, but I did. I sacrificed a social life, I sacrificed sleep, I sacrificed even my health(not prescribed) just to make sure I seize the time. I worked harder in my second year, and achieved a lesser score in CAT. However, as it turned out, the hard work counted. The score did not.

That is how life is. It asks you questions. It wants you to grow. You have to answer, no matter what. If you do not get answers in the outside world, look within. There is an answer hidden right there.