Sometimes the greatest challenge one faces lies within, not beyond one’s self. At each stage of my life, one of more of these entities attempted to drown me when my dream was to soar.
I was in high school when the first wave hit me – lethargy. Being among the top students in the class had made me lazy to the point I took my academic success for granted and my grades suffered over a course of time. The all-time low came during mid-terms of my eight grade. Following that, my class teacher confronted me, asked me what was wrong and provided counsel even though I was non-responsive. That day, I took a long, hard look in the mirror. I felt disappointed in myself. That feeling, to be blunt, sucked a lot. Mustering inner strength, I pulled my socks up, set up a study schedule and stuck to it for the rest of the year and naturally I got my grades up. I had successfully bested the first demon that came my way and I couldn’t be prouder for doing so.
Second wave hit me during college – procrastination. Engineers study the night before, engineers wake up fifteen minutes before class and still make it to class in time, engineers don’t do things like the rest of the mortals. I wasn’t lazy anymore. I participated in activities, committees, competitions. Did not submit myself to be a mere bookworm like in school days. That preconceived notion about engineers along with certain peers inadvertently influenced my outlook. From being earliest to class to getting ten minutes late every time, from doing a given assignment on the same day to completing the last line as the teacher was collecting it, from spending free time in the library making notes to begging my classmate to share theirs one day before the exam – I became a different person. This time around, I ended up disappointing people around me. I had failed to keep promises. I had broken trust. I was solely to blame for my undoing. The process to snap out of it was similar – Inspect, Introspect, Instigate. It worked for the most part and I skated by the rest of the course relatively unscathed. The worst was yet to come.
Hardest of all hit the third wave – Depression. My academic success did not ensure mental peace and stability. I did what was expected of me, went through the motions diligently. But on the inside, the load piled on – of emotions, of uncertainty, of loneliness, of loss. Then came a day I couldn’t take it anymore. I lost my strength, my drive, my desire to continue, and all came to a standstill. I was benumbed to my surroundings. Couldn’t talk. Didn’t bathe for days. Shut out everything and everyone. The old methods proved useless and I didn’t know how to ask for help and whom to ask. Then one fine day, I happened upon a micro blogging site where I found a community of people joined through a common interest, be it books, series, or movies. Many of them were like me – lost and rudderless. Being a part of that community - participating, writing, supporting, sharing – slowly but surely the thread that bound me untangled. Eventually, I found my moxie back, got my act together, and took steps to realizing my dream. Now as I embark upon a new journey, I carry with me a past that made me wiser and ready to face the challenges that tomorrow might have in store for me. I feel invincible like nobody can drag me down now.
