One of the earliest childhood memories that I have is going to the local movie theatre to watch the movie “Border”. I think I was 3 or maybe 4 years old and I distinctly remember being fascinated by the men in uniform, their tanks, and rifles. Being a small boy, that was enough to hold my attention.
As I grew older, I slowly began to understand what being a soldier in the Indian Army really meant and I cannot really pinpoint when this fascination turned into ambition. Throughout my adolescence, I read every possible article and watched as many documentaries as I could about the army. When I was of age, I decided to really apply for the armed forces and much to my amazement; I was selected for the preliminary round! When I broke the news to my parents that I had applied without their knowledge, my mother absolutely put her foot down and forbade me to go and advised me to take up B.Tech as my UG.
When I joined college, I decided to give this another try. This time though, I confided in my father and to my surprise, he supported my decision. He gave me the thumbs up to go ahead and that he would convince my mother about it. During my first year of B.Tech, I adopted a regime, that will keep myself fit and prepared for the SSB interview of the Indian armed forces. I was confident about getting through this time and realize my dream into a reality as I had my father’s support too. Not a day went by without me double checking the daily goals off of my regime and eagerly waiting for the third year of my UG when I get to present myself to the Indian armed forces.
My second year came with its own set of challenges. I contracted an infection in my left ear. This left me with a constant ringing sound in my ear. On consulting the doctor, he described this condition as “tinnitus.” My immediate concern was if this would pose a problem during the medical examination during the selection process of the Indian Army and the doctor said that it would. That day I realized how painful it was to have a childhood ambition shattered. I read up everything I could about the condition, consulted every doctor I possibly could and sat through hundreds of diagnostic tests. But every time the answer was the same, it was untreatable.
This condition, tinnitus, is something that I still really haven’t gotten used to. Not only has it mildly impaired my hearing in the affected ear but it also has affected my concentration. It has slowly gotten better over the years through meditation and yoga but is still ever present like an itch you cannot scratch.
For years, I resented everyone who got their dream job as mine seemed out of reach. I wouldn’t say that I was depressed but I was not content with being just an engineer. This is not how I had imagined my life panning out. The only way I kept the negative thoughts and emotions at bay was to throw myself into studies and projects to occupy and tire myself out. This helped me get better not just emotionally but academically. My improving academics helped me get a good job as an Application Development Analyst at Accenture through campus placements.
For a long time, my life became a series of mechanical motions. I was just following a routine and keeping myself busy with studies first and then my job. To the world, I was just another guy who had a job in an IT company. A perpetual gnawing emotion kept nagging me that what I was doing isn’t enough. It was evident as it surfaced to my face and nature. Then one day my parents sat me down and spoke to me and asked me to talk to them freely. That day I told them all that I felt and expressed my misery and unhappiness. What my father told me that day was something that really stayed with me till today. He pointed out that I had set myself up to fail by not having a plan B and that not every dream is achievable. Some people are lucky who achieve whatever they set their minds to but others can be successful too only if they accept failure and decide to move ahead rather than being stuck in limbo. He asked me if I still had a passion to do something constructive with my life and told me to write down what I really admired about the army. Two words stood out that day, discipline and management. That was when he advised me to appear for CAT 2018.
I knew that it was the last moment decision and that I was strapped for time to prepare for a major entrance examination. But I still possessed the passion, a passion to be a part of an organization that teaches management from scratch as well as would help me incorporate discipline in my life. This new goal in my life gave me a purpose and I felt that I was doing something constructive again. Amidst the grueling schedule of rotational shifts in at work, I used the breaks and post working hours to prepare for the CAT. There were times when the workload made me feel like giving up but the thought following through a promise that I made to myself kept me going. In the end, I scored 91.2 percentile in the examination. This made me realize passion, hard work and a positive outlook can help you achieve.
After going through a series of interviews for various colleges, on March 22nd, 2019, I received an email for provisional admission from TAPMI and the feeling was unmatched. I was absolutely ecstatic about the fact that I was completely devoted to my new goal and held on to see this day. The sense of appreciation on the faces of my parents filled me with pride as this was not just for me but for them too. In the end, here I am studying for my PGDM and trying to set new goals for the future.
In my opinion, every experience in life is a lesson in itself. What I have also learned is that always have a Plan B and a Plan C because life isn’t a film where things magically work out for the protagonist. Visions thought to keep you motivated. Every goal, every dream needs a sincere and consistent effort to truly achieve it. The most vital thing that I have understood is that never keep feelings and thoughts bottled up, to always confide in a person or people that we trust. In my experience, I found it liberating, as if a major load was lifted off my shoulders. The most important lesson that I have learned so far is that it is okay to fail. The essential part is to get up, dust yourself and try again.