'Challenges - what can you possibly know about them?', came the prompt reply of a friend who read a satirical Facebook post I had written on the rising social trends that make us more critical and less humane. The context for the post had been a widespread social media outcry on a post that challenged the tenets of feminism and a small part about it spoke about the challenges that modern women face. However, my Facebook ‘friend’ caught onto that particular section and proceeded to create an argument, supposedly to render the entirety of my post irrelevant. Though the attempt failed, that question led to a train of introspection that led to its validity. The entitled ex-NRI who had only led a life of comfort and abundance, the extrovert who strikes up conversations with ease, that girl who often talks about the trips she has had – how far away could the perfect life be?
By no means can I deny that my existence so far had been privileged. But had I been liberated enough to make decision that were free from the apparent norms imposed by patriarchy, chauvinism, culture, tradition or religion? The big fat NO comes from a place filled with sorrow, disappointment and repressed anger. I experienced my first big cultural shock when joined my first year of graduate education in a reputed engineering college. The reason was the fact that I was an ex-NRI, and thus automatically eligible to be insulted for my lack of fluency in my mother tongue, outspokenness and open-mindedness, among other things. For an 18-year old who was out of a cocooned existence, the constant taunts, insults and leers broke my spirit. I tried to fit into a version of myself that forced fit into the norms laid out in front of me. I fell into depression and remained in it, without realizing how it killed my spirit. The recovery was slow and steady but taught me invaluable lessons that would take me this far.
The next traditional shock was when my marriage was almost fixed at age 21, without informing me about this. My parents were forced into agreeing by a set of dominating relatives who made it their life’s mission to ‘protect me from misfortunes’. But this time I was ready and fighting. I moved out to a different city on my own, found a job and started fighting for my rights. I wore the title of being ‘the black sheep’ with pride. As I was certain about pursuing an MBA in marketing, I rejected IT jobs for a sales role, for which I was looked down. My extended family had even placed restrictions on me for work with an NGO which provided counselling for children who had undergone traumatic experiences such as violence and rape, where I worked as a counselor. The list just goes on.
I had to fight for each and every choice I made in life. And I have only grown stronger in the process. The biggest learning my challenges gave me is the mantra I breathe – I am my own.